


Firefly

by Airkitten714



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Heavy Angst, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23900827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airkitten714/pseuds/Airkitten714
Summary: Life is great. Karma is just a load of bullshit, given that Hancock managed to snag the best thing to ever happen to the Commonwealth, and not only that but by some miracle managed to help create the most beautiful child he’s seen since Fahrenheit was a baby, which was long before he went ghoul.A random migraine and a visit to Doc Amari later and Hancock realizes that karma is a scheming whore and he’s about to lose everything.
Relationships: John Hancock/Female Sole Survivor
Kudos: 22





	Firefly

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time in my adult life I've felt confident enough in my writing to actually put it somewhere. This was supposed to be a one-shot, but my sister (beta) wanted to make sure I flushed out as many plotholes as possible. I'm cleaning up the rest of the story now, but I thought I ought to start with the first chapter now to force me to finish it.

_“Hello, Daddy!” A little pigtailed blonde greeted Hancock with a bright grin, leaping into his arms. Her bright blue hues adoringly searched for his as she attempted to get closer to his face. “Daddy?” She questioned, noticing her father seemed to be struggling to get words out. A feral snarl ripped through his teeth and the adoring gaze became terror-stricken as his grip turned hostile. The child let out a pained screech and began frantically trying to escape her father’s grip. He let out a gurgled scream and let his fingers rip into her flesh, completely lost to himself._

_“Sara?” A questioning voice came from a nearby doorway, catching the ghoul's attention as the child’s flailing started to weaken. The brunette let out a cry running for the pair, pulling a kitchen knife from a nearby counter. The now fully feral Hancock tossed the girl aside, who landed with a sickening crunch. Her mother sidestepped as John dove for her, darting after Sara, who had yet to move from her landing place. Hancock was already running for the vault dweller by the time she’d scooped the bleeding child into her arms. He landed on her back, the three rolling some distance with John coming out on top, pinning Nora to the ground._

_“John, please. It’s me. It’s Nora. Your wife.” She begged, turning slightly to shelter the limp girl in her arms from her father. He roared in the woman’s tear-streaked face, making her sob harder. He reared up and brought his fists down on her repeatedly until her screams silenced, blood and gore soaking him._

John let out a scream, ripping himself to a full standing position from their bed. His wife followed suit, frantically looking around for any threat within the vicinity. His breathing came in heavy pants and he spun in a circle, realizing he was in their bedroom in Goodneighbor. He felt tears pricking at his eyes as he ran a hand over his bald head, finally turning to Nora.

“John?” She cautiously approached him. “What’s wro-" She was cut off by him pulling her into a crushing hug, burying his face in her neck. His body shook with heavy pants as he came down from the horror of his nightmare.

“Sara’s still asleep?” He asked, not lessening his grip on the brunette standing stiffly in front of him.

“In her crib. Did you have a nightmare?” She tried to keep him in her arms as he tracked through the State House to reach the infant. He pulled her from the place he’d left her a few hours ago and turned to see Nora had followed him along with a rumpled looking Fahrenheit who had been roused by the commotion, brushed by Nora with her .45 raised.

“What the hell is going on?” His adult daughter snarled, lowering her weapon, realizing her sister was in the arms of her father.

“Don’t lower your gun just because it’s me.” He growled. Both women in the doorway automatically protested. “Shut the hell up and listen.” Hancock snapped, curling Sara into his chest, stirring her in the same motion. “If I go feral, I’d rather die than hurt her or any of you.” He ran a finger over the infant’s cheek. Nora’s eyes shifted to their baby and when they returned to his, he knew she was rearing up to argue.

“That’s fucking bullshit, Hancock and you know it.” Fahrenheit snapped back. “Daisy? No-nose? Any number of ghouls from the Slog? They’re all prewar and still kicking. Remember when Nora ran into the fucker who used to work for Vault Tec? He’s been a ghoul since the bombs dropped. If his stupid ass can last, you sure as hell can.” Nora, to his disappointment, agreed emphatically.

“She’s right, John. You’re in a completely different situation from others who do end up losing it.” Hancock was shaking with frustration.

“Listen to me.” He pleaded, begging them to understand. “Plenty a folks have gone feral who were prewar. Turned on their loved ones. I’ve watched it happen. And it don’t happen all at once. Don’t risk her.” Fahrenheit grunted crossing her arms. “If ya see me slipping, take me out. No hard feelings or nothing.” Nora’s eyes watched him imploringly. Fuck, a hit of jet would be a welcomed release were he not so worked up. John learned years ago that hitting jet didn’t alleviate emotions, but rather ramped them up then slowed the feeling to a near halt, dragging it out for what felt like hours. Fucking amazing during sex. A fucking nightmare, albeit nowhere near as bad as the one he’d just woken from, when upset. He sighed angrily checking Sara again, the older lifeless version from his dream still causing his throat to constrict. Her baby blue eyes, reminiscent of his eyes before he went ghoul, watched him with such trust, it terrified him. Her tiny head bobbed as her neck muscles tired out and she bopped her head down onto his shoulder, cuddling in.

“Alright.” Nora said finally. John’s eyes snapped to hers. “I will not risk Sara. But you have to know the likelihood of you going feral is unlikely.” His knees nearly buckled at the relief washing over him. Nora reached for him and pulled them to her. “It was just a nightmare.” She murmured, attempting to soothe John. He didn’t respond, unable to tell her that it was not as farfetched as she thought.

-

“John…” Amari started, tensely looking anywhere but at her patient and mayor. He smirked up at her, awaiting the unnatural bill of health he’d been gifted with despite all odds for at least a decade. His smile tapered off as he realized Amari’s usual to the point and confident demeanor was subdued. “Your brainwaves are becoming more erratic than they were last time we checked.” She crossed her arms.

“And that means…?” He questioned; the information useless to him. He rolled his eyes when she launched into an explanation severely beyond the mayor’s limited comprehension. “Look, Doc, I ain’t got all day, I-”

“I’m afraid you’re showing signs that you’re losing brain mass. Your brain is attempting to compensate for the deterioration by firing from where it shouldn’t be.” He stared at her for a moment longer before what she said started catching up with him.

“I know you aren’t standing here telling me I’m going feral.” Hancock’s chest tightened at the implications. Amari pressed her lips into a thin line and looked away.

“I hope I’m wrong, for your sake.” She finished. John felt like all the air was forced from his lungs. When he’d come in for a slight headache, at his wife’s insistence, he’d expected it to be exhaustion or dehydration… something easily fixable so he could brush off Nora’s concern. Shit, she was going to be mad. Or worse. Understanding and concerned.

“How long do I have?” He cleared his throat, putting the façade that she was wrong, and they were just playing around. It was all just a morbid joke. That’s it. He couldn’t quite shake the feeling but did his damnedest to hide it from the woman in front of him. “I was promised immortality if you’ll recall.” He chuckled, standing and stretching nonchalantly.

“If you’ll recall, it was also an experimental chem that no one actually gave you. You stole it from Vic’s corpse.” Amari wearily sighed before continuing. “It could be a while, but more likely you’ll have around a year if you do not change in your daily activities. Chem use, as you know, does have a lingering effect on the brain, ghoul or not.” Amari continued seriously, knowing Hancock was just attempting to hide his fear.

“Ah, that’s ridiculous. They make a bad day great again.” He joked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Amari only rolled her eyes, going along with his mask like she was falling for it.

“You know how I feel about chems. Do try to keep it to a minimum.” She advised. “And tell your wife.” She hollered after his retreating form. He waved back at her almost robotically, not uttering a response, leaving the doctor alone.

John continued through his mayoral and paternal duties, forcing his visit with Amari and subsequent nightmare to the back of his mind.

He never mentioned it to Nora.

-

Months passed. Sara made milestone after milestone. Rolling over, sitting up, babbling, cut Nora’s soft prewar fingers with her razor-sharp baby teeth. John proudly savored every second he could with her. Nora and Fahrenheit seemed to forget that night. John couldn’t, despite his best efforts. The image of his wife and daughter murdered by his own hands flashed behind his eyes every time he let himself relax for too long. He’d sworn off drugs cold turkey and felt himself struggling through withdrawal. Both women noticed his tremors and irritability were getting bad. Though neither said anything, supporting him as silently as he started the endeavor. His hope was that the effects would subside on their own, but he was growing closer to just getting an addictol and ending this suffering. He wasn’t sure what drugs were safe and which were going to push him further into insanity. If that bitch in the Third Rail sang that same set one more fucking time, though, he may welcome the insanity that went with going feral.

-

His first major slip came when he was out on a run with Nora. Taking raiders out, “a settlement needs your help, General…” yada, yada, yada. Nora had been backed into a corner by an asshole with a flamethrower. John promptly dove for the laughing maniac, driving a steel pipe deep into the side of his skull. Once on the ground, he continued to beat the fucker long after he stopped moving.

“John?” He felt a hand wrap around his shoulder. He let out a snarl turning and launching himself at the interrupter. He straddled the being and raise his arm to bring the pipe down on it when a familiar startled cry reached his ears, stopping him dead in his tracks. His vision cleared, and he recognized his wife’s arms crossed above her face in a defensive position, bracing for a blow. He furrowed his brow, wondering who was attacking her, hackles rising instantly looking around for danger.

“Nora?” he asked, reaching for her realizing he had something in his grasp. Panic washed over the ghoul as he realized he had been the threat. The ice-cold metal fell from his hand like it burned him and he scrambled away from her. She immediately slid the opposite direction until the two both had their backs pressed against opposing walls in the prewar office they were clearing. Nora panted heavily, eyeing her husband with shock. He mirrored the look, scanning her for damage he might have caused, absolutely horrified with himself.

“What the hell was that?” She seethed, returning to her senses. Her husband had no answer he could force from his lips. He decided now was time to spill the beans. He sucked in a breath to build his courage.

“D… do ya remember that headache I had a few months back? You sent me to Doc Amari.” He started slowly, meeting her gaze.

“What about it? You said everything was fine. That it was just a migraine.” His gaze snapped up to hers at the desperation in her tone, hoping she could recognize the regret in his gaze. She simmered out and took a stabilizing breath before calmly speaking. “What did you hide from me, John?”

“Doc Amari said I’m losing it.” Nora listened, quietly, watching John’s hands shake where he pressed them firmly into the rubble he sat in. “I’m going feral.” He watched several emotions flash across her stunning features before swallowing thickly as understanding flooded her person. She was losing her second husband. Their eyes met and a thousand words passed between them. John shook his head and crawled towards her as her eyes filled with tears. “Nah. Don’t cry for me, Sunshine.” He hesitantly reached for her, afraid she’d pull away or flinch. He started when she yanked him against her, pulling him into her lap. He felt ridiculous. Nearly twice her size and weight, so despite being stick-thin like most ghouls, John barely fit in her lap.

“We’ll figure this out, John. Like we always do. Maybe Shaun has something that can help…” She trailed off at the mention of her estranged son. She began muttering through a thousand different plans, growing increasingly frustrated. He looked down at her and wiped a stray tear from her face.

“I don’t think it’s wise to delay the inevitable, sunshine.” He half-smiled. Her dark eyes shifted to his and he was shocked by the fury he found there.

“Shut the hell up. Who do you think you are?” She shoved him away from her, angry tears rolling down her perfect cheeks. There she is. The little spitfire he fell in love with. “How dare you just tell me to let you pull the trigger on yourself so you can leave us alone!” She was standing now, hands on her hips, leaning over him like his mother used to when he would misbehave as a child. It’s good that she’s the parent who survives this. He let his gaze slide down her form. Fuck, Nora really was a beautiful woman. Two pregnancies did nothing but add to her maddingly beautiful figure. He was definitely going to miss it, he decided. She was still yelling at him. Like usual. Nora kept her men in line, be it him or any one of the sad fucks who trailed after her at her whims. How had he gotten so lucky? She seemed to realize he wasn’t paying attention. The vault dweller gripped both sides of the jacket she’d stolen from Maxon before telling the Brotherhood to go fuck itself, dragging him inches from her face.

“Fucking listen to me.” She growled, tears still streaming from her face. His own ire may have been exacerbated by the lack of drugs in his system, anger at himself, the world, cruel fucking fate, whatever, but the words he’d been begging her to hear months earlier angrily pushed back at him was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Listen here, sister.” He rasped back, gripping her wrists and pulling her closer. “Why the fuck would I want to leave the best damn thing that has ever happened to me, huh? This ain’t about wants, sunshine, don’t you get it? I’m losing my gat damn mind and I’m going to hurt you or one of our girls if I don’t nip it in the bud.” He roughly let go of her and made for the door, irritably holding it open for his gaping wife, silent for likely the first time in her life. She gritted her teeth and stomped by him, obviously lost in thought. Hancock knew from experience that this conversation was not over, though it may be a few days before she broached the topic again.

-

He nearly turned his gun on himself the day his second slip happened. Sara laid on a thin green blanket gifted to them by a family from one of Garvey’s settlements. She pushed herself towards a set of wooden beads and eagerly shit-talked the painted bastards the whole time. John watched her from the couch, half-paying attention to Nora and Fahrenheit discussing new trade routes with a trade manager from a group in the Capital Wasteland. After hours of hammering out the safest routes, the trader and Nora stood, shaking hands.

“I gotta say, I’m impressed. You ladies certainly know yer ways around the Commonwealth. If yer ever lookin’ fer a private tour of the Capital though…” John raised an eyebrow glancing up at the ballsy traveler. Nora already had her hand up, a good-natured smile playing on her lips, to help avoid ruining the afternoon.

“I appreciate the offer; however, this is purely a professional business proposal.” Hancock studied the man, lounging to the side of the couch, resting his cheek on his fist, completely content to watch. Nora was a damn fine woman who could easily handle herself. This guy was nothing for her. He took a drag of his cigarette and let the smoke seep out of what was left of his nose. The fucker’s next words were aimed at him.

“What ‘dya say we hit the both of these gals with a spot of jet and take the frustrations of the day out on em?” Both adult women in the room were shocked into silence. John, himself, took a second to realize it wasn’t just a sick joke. Once he realized it wasn’t a game and the trader meant every word that fell from his lips, John had him against the nearest wall.

“Wanna repeat that for me? I seem to be hard of hearing.” Smoke left his mouth with every word, blowing directly into the trader’s face and making gestures with the hand still holding the cigarette. He had him off the floor at least an inch by the throat. Blood roared in John’s head and his vision was blurring. He’d never felt such unbridled fury in his life. The trader gasped and struggled to get free, babbling frantic apologies with every breath. Sara’s startled cry felt like a piercing siren in Hancock’s skull. The displacement of the sound when someone picked her up was enough to snap him into action. The trader, by this point, had drifted into agonized silence and was turning blue from a lack of oxygen. John had very little qualms with tearing him limb from limb. His mind roared in pleasure at the idea, so he proceeded. His victim’s gasping shrieks amplified Sara’s cries and pushed John further over the edge. He frantically pulled at the fucker in front of him, unsure why he was so furious with the poor fuck but lacked the presence of mind to stop. The sound was not letting up. Where the fuck was that sound coming from? Fucker was gurgling and bleeding out on the ground before him, but the sound was still so loud. Hancock pressed his palms to his earholes, desperately trying to make the sound go away. Red blurred his vision and he was fast developing a massive migraine because of the noise. What the actual fuck made that kind of sound? He spun on his heels, seeing a gaping red and black hole at chest level and felt sound waves radiating off it, collecting and ricocheting around in his skull. He lurched for it, letting out a frustrated growl when something blocked his path. He angrily pawed at and then shoved at the blockade, which stumbled, before recovering to his satisfaction and fury. It did nothing to stop the sound.

A single gunshot rang out, cutting through the screaming. Hancock immediately returned to his senses, feeling the bones in his leg shatter and the flesh around them burn agonizingly. He collapsed on the floor and let out a pained rasp, curling in on himself and favoring his leg. As he turned, he stared, horrified to see the disemboweled corpse of the man who he’d just spent an entire afternoon with. His vision cleared as he recognized the shrieks of his little girl behind him. He snapped his head to the sound seeing Nora’s bleeding and freshly bruised face staring him down with the same expression she had when determining how threatening an enemy was. He zeroed in on the gash along her cheek, leaking blood onto the thin, freshly ripped t-shirt she wore. Behind her, Fahrenheit failed miserably at attempting to soothe the infant. He realized with a start that blood trickled from one of her perfect little ears. It had to have been from the gunshot at such proximity. Several triggermen entered the room and Nora’s free hand immediately held up a second pistol aimed at them. She had yet to drop the gun aimed at John. After the three men raised their hands and muttered nervously that they just wanted to see what the noise was, Nora turned her attention back to her husband. He could already see her starting to shake as she assessed him to make sure he was back. A nauseating silence fell over the room, which Nora broke at length.

“Take him to Amari. Make her fix his leg best she can. If she can’t, take him to Diamond City, but don’t let Piper near him. I’m taking Sara to the Institute to have her hearing checked.” She glanced impassively behind him at the trader’s corpse. “Clean that shit up. Get in touch with his group and tell them he never showed, to send someone else.” She left no room for argument, reaching for their child and disappearing from the building.

-

Staring blankly up at the ceiling, Hancock barely winced as Amari attempted to put him back together and clean his wound. “Despite her other unforgivable flaws, she has impeccable aim.” The woman remarked, obviously impressed. John grunted in agreement. Amari continued to begrudgingly praise his wife, ignoring entirely the reasons why Nora had been required to turn her gun on him. Her uncomfortable droning grated his nerves, but he stayed silent, using it as a penance for blacking out and trying to kill his daughter. He threw his arm over his face to hide from the image of Nora’s gaze repeating behind his eyes.

“Why are ya bothering stitching me up, Doc?” He groaned. Amari’s hands stilled momentarily before she continued.

“You’re my patient, John.” She relayed, blandly. Hancock grit his teeth.

“You’re wasting your time.” He growled once he reigned in his rage. She ignored him continuing to work. He removed his arm from his face and glared at her. Sensing his gaze on her, she met his, easily matching his anger. John was taken aback and waiting for her gaze to slip back down to his wound.

“Why haven’t you done it, yet?” She breathed, continuing to work. “Are you really expecting those around you to do the dirty work? Nora, maybe?” John stopped and thought for a moment. What a fucked-up thing to ask of a woman who has already gone through so much. Any woman, really. Amari groused to no one in particular, aggressively dumping alcohol in the hole in his leg. Any retort John had died on his tongue as he seized up to the burning. “I’ve taken a vow to do no harm, so I will not be putting you down. Fahrenheit would certainly box what’s left of your ears if you even broached it.” Amari continued to muse, wrapping his thigh in a bandage and admiring her handiwork. Her eyes met her patient’s after a moment, and she crossed her arms. “You love them, yes?”

“What kinda question is ‘at?” John growled back.

“Then act, John. We’ve seen enough families go feral together for you to know how this ends naturally. Stop pretending this situation is going to resolve itself in a positive manner.” John stared at her stricken for a moment realizing what she was implying. Fuck.


End file.
